Learning Curves.

How have things changed since this was written. 

Post pandemic.

Have I changed - how?

How do I perceive things have things changed for those I talk about in the text below? 

June 2018

My challenge is?

As a person who is a bit of a failure when it comes to personal challenges and who often gives up at the first hurdle, I really admire people who take on and succeed at the challenges that they set for themselves. I am lucky to have many people in my life who have the drive and determination that I totally lack and I strive to be more like them. My nephews and brother in law regularly run 10Ks, do Tough Mudder and hiking challenges. A friend, who started running to improve her fitness, now does triathlons and 100 mile bike rides just for the hell of it. She loves it, she is confident and inspirational. She has made a positive impact on both her own life and the lives of others having inspired her husband and her daughters to take on and succeed at similar challenges. Another friend, a keen cyclist, trains for and completes a yearly challenge, cycling for long distances over varied terrain with his friends to raise money for charity. 

During this year, I have considered both the running and the cycling options as possibilities on my first step for personal improvement. Unfortunately, staying upright on a bike for longer than 60 seconds is a massive challenge for me and, having broken limbs, cracked bones and suffered from a serious facial injury as a child after accidents on my bike I ruled cycling out as an option almost immediately. However, I did, for a short while, contemplate doing a 10K with work colleagues to raise money for charity. Though the concept of me running was always far-fetched, I reasoned that 10K was only 6 miles and if all else failed I knew that I could walk that far. I did do a little bit of training. The session went something like this ….

Having set myself the challenge of running to Starbucks and back (about 15 minutes away from home) I prepared myself in a manner befitting an amateur athlete. I put my Fitbit on my wrist, my earphones in my ears and my trainers on my feet. As instructed by my friend and colleague, Janet (aka director of first impressions and all-round fitness fanatic), I took it easy, running one lamp-post, walking one lamp-post (I am sure that this was called 'Scout's pace' when I was doing my fitness badge in the Guides). I actually surprised myself with how well I did. Making it to Starbucks in good time, only slightly red faced and panting, I mentally congratulated myself on my achievement. I ordered and consumed my medium skinny latte, extra hot with an extra shot (ordering this was a challenge in itself!) and watched the world go by before beginning the journey home. This time however, the run was far more challenging because the heavens opened and the rain fell like stair rods, stinging my shoulders and soaking me through to the skin. Tempted to turn around, go back inside and treat myself to another coffee and perhaps a cinnamon swirl, I inwardly berated myself for my weakness and set off, determined to complete my challenge despite the change in weather. I had not noticed on my outward journey that I had been going slightly downhill until I realised that I was having to run (slightly) uphill. This, my wet trainers rubbing on my heals and my t-shirt sticking in a most unattractive way to my spare tyre all conspired against my successful completion of my challenge and to teach me the following realities:

* panting, drowned rat is not a 'good look'

 * no matter how pretty it is or the fact that it matches your knickers, a lacy under-wire bra does not give sufficient support for running (although I do think I got an appreciative pomp from a passing car at one point on my return journey)

* the closer lamp posts get to your destination the further apart they are from each other

* for reasons of self-esteem it is better not to make eye contact with the person on the disability scooter as they come trundling towards you and call out “118 Got your number!” This was particularly upsetting as I had laid out good money to get my top lip waxed two days previously and, oh yes, I am not a MAN!

* lastly, when soaked to the skin by a sudden rain shower, tight knickers (worn to stop your wobbly tummy from bouncing up and down whilst you are moving at speed) take some time to peel off – obviously I had returned home at this point!

My experience on this occasion only served to underline to me that I am just not cut out to be a runner and I quickly put all thoughts of the 10K to one-side, deciding that I must first build up some stamina and fitness in a more sedentary fashion. I have now set myself smaller goals which I am working towards and am achieving on a more regular basis. So far, though I am not exactly slim and my wobbly bits still quiver violently if not supported by appropriate underwear, I continue to maintain a trimmer form. I have walked to the top of Rivington Pike on a number of occasions and I am looking forward to doing increasingly more difficult walks soon as doing this feeds my soul and makes me smile.

However, personal challenges do not always have to come in the form of physical exercise. For another dear friend, her challenge is not to limit her horizons just because she lives alone. Inspired by her Nana, who spent her pension travelling Europe when she was in her 60s and 70s, my friend travels to far flung destinations like a modern day Isabella Bird. Even though she is often anxious about her adventures, her reward for overcoming her fears comes in the form of cultural enrichment, the meeting of new people and in the joy she finds learning and in the sights and sounds that surround her. The experience fires her imagination and nourishes her spirit. Just like my other friends and my nephews inspire me to try to be fitter, she inspires me to become a braver person.

I'm no athlete and, let's face it, I am probably not brave enough to take myself off alone to far flung places. Sometimes, as I am sure we all do, I wonder why I am like I am. Why don't I have the drive and determination to run long distances or cycle for miles? Why am I not as brave or courageous as others in my life? Perhaps my personal challenge is in finding those answers? In the meantime I will try very hard just to be me. To learn to like myself, even if I am not as slim as I should be, as fit as those I admire, or as clever or brave as others.  I am actually doing ok and I should be happy with that.