Introspection.

Introduction to Introspection

This poem came to me in the stillness of an early March morning in 2019. We have all experienced those long, sleepless hours when your internal voice is loudest and, in the pitch black and silence of the bedroom, a peaceful night of unbroken sleep is impossible. In the wake of a 26-year marriage ending, I found myself questioning my decision and my past actions, remembering who I once was, and wondering who I would become.

Yet as the darkness began to fade, and light began to filter in through the window of my rented flat, so too did a shift in my perspective. Introspection traces the journey from my quiet unrest to the simple, surprising realisation of new dawn.


INTROSPECTION 

Why am I awake at three am?
Looking through the darkness,
searching through the silence, for signs I'm not alone,
Listening to the bad thoughts, 
as they jostle out the good thoughts in my mind.

Why am I awake at four o'clock?
Contemplating friendships,
musing on mis-judgements and 
words I may have said that have caused pain -
and words I should have said that still remain?

Why am I awake at half past four?
Watching shadows dancing on my wall,
thinking of my actions, with divided factions 
and how to make the discord disappear.
Nothing is clear.

 I am still awake at five am,
but as darkness starts to disapate
I feel less lost than yesterday and 
a gentler voice inside my head
speaks softly now, of hope instead

I am glad that I'm awake at 6am
As the light pervades the darkness, 
I hear the sound of bird song and I smile.
And I listen to the good thoughts,
as they jostle out the bad thoughts in my mind. 

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